The Bard has always been, always will be, one of the most quoted men in history. I could find possibly a thousand quotes from him that are apropos to what I am feeling on this Sunday morning. Yesterday I published a blog about my bipolar and suicide. I don't know if it came across as emotional, but it was extremely emotional for me. I almost couldn't post it. Making yourself raw that way, vulnerable to comments and criticism goes against everything I need right now. Being emotionally fragile... well, it sucks honestly. It can be debilitating at times. But it is also therapeutic to allow others into my life and share the scary stuff with them.
So on to the purpose of my choice of memes today. I am applying it to romantic love, but I think that his meaning was meant to be applied to all of mankind in all versions of love, trust, and doing wrong.
Love all: this is easy. I fall in love as easy as I breathe. When it happens it is strong and perfect and the expectations are high. Quite possibly way too high. It is always early in the relationship, but it always feels right and it is always reciprocated (at least verbally.) I know a lot of people that will say, oh, that's not love, it's infatuation, it's lust, it's need. And maybe they're right. But what if they're wrong. In addition, I do realize that I am setting myself up for disappointment. And as stated above, being emotionally fragile- well, I could easily steamroll myself right into a giant cup of depression. It's a gamble. I'm not sure it's worth it, but I'm not sure how to correct it. I do know that I will never apologize for how I feel or say that my feelings are wrong. In my opinion devaluing my emotions is just as emotionally damaging as any other disappointment that may occur.
Trust a few: This is where I need to reign in the "love all" section. I am pretty good at telling when someone is lying to me or evading the truth (lying) or telling me part of the truth (lying). See, what is always forgotten is I spent many years puzzle solving (essentially) and got paid for it. It comes naturally to me. My gut instinct has never let me down, I just need to listen and hear. And more than any other thing that I need to do for myself is trust ME. Trust me to make the right decisions, trust me to share honestly-even when it sucks and is hard and painful. I don't hold grudges, I have never been able to- I've even tried really hard cause sometimes you need to hold on to the frustration a little longer for the lesson to take hold.
Do wrong to none: There are no innocent parties here. For me, there are times where I just cannot mentally or emotionally help anyone else. For the romantic part, who hasn't snapped or taken a frustrated day out on the one person who is supposed to love you more than anyone ever could. They'll forgive you, right? My question is, why should they? It's an epidemic. People treating strangers better than their family. I'm guilty of it. Recently I had a difficult conversation with someone I expected to be around a lot longer than they were. During this conversation, I was condescending and rude. Now they were too, but that's not the point is it? My actions are what I am held accountable for in the long run. In the end my actions were appropriate and the friendship ended. Basically, I did wrong to them. I apologized. If they accept my apology then good. If not, that's on them. I don't need their approval to know that *I* did the right thing. For clarity, I did not apologize for how I feel. I apologized for how I expressed those feelings.
So the moral of the story is allow yourself to love, regardless of how you got to that point. Trust the trustworthy. Follow your instincts, don't let go. In these instances, tell your heart to shut it and use your brain. And try to be the best person you can be, even during a heated, stressful conversation with anyone, but especially with someone you really care about. You can't take back words.
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